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Beans Unknown

Coffee beans are grown like any beans, from the ground, with water. Even tea drinkers know this. But coffee beans are a little different than regular beans when it comes to what growers can do with them to add flavor or strength. Growers test out different altitudes, different temperatures, water cycles, soil, the list goes on. But there are some coffee beans out there that have to go through a little more than a change in elevation before they sweat their stuff out into your cup. One unique type of process has to do with the beans passing through animals, both ends and out. Now these probably won’t be for everyone and some may get a little grossed out, but there are some who love this kind of shit. And this is for you, you weird twisted individual, we love you.

Reminder! Since these types of processing have to deal with animals, always make sure you know where you are getting your beans from and how these animals are treated.

Vanilla Flavored Monkey Puke

Yes, you heard it right. Formosan Rock Monkeys from an island in Taiwan, eat farmers coffee berries and spit out the half-eaten coffee beans. These crafty snot rockets are actually considered a delicacy to the locals. At first, farmers hated them but then they discovered it added vanilla flavor to it and loved it. The unique taste comes from the floral diet of these little buggers. It is a pretty penny though at $27  for 8 ounces so choose wisely.

Kopi Luwak

Yes, this is it, the one and only. The most expensive coffee in the world, which can cost more than $40 a cup. A CUP! The coffee which is pooped out from an Indonesian cat-like creature called a Civet. See what makes the Civet so special is it only eats the ripest of coffee cherries, (very picky eater). While inside, the cherries and pulp are removed but the bean is not, allowing it to be uniquely fermented. So when nature calls, out pop some uniquely delicious beans.  

Jacu Bird Poop Beans

These tasty beans are taking off, but originally they primarily came from a farm in Brazil, ran by Henrique Sloper. He was inspired by his experience with the Kopi Luwak cat poop coffee and wondered about his Jacu birds. So he gave it a shot, it turns out it worked pretty well. And like all poop coffee, this one is a bit pricey. Little too pricey for someone who writes articles on animal digested coffee beans. But hopefully you have a better job. There is a pretty interesting story behind the arrival of the Jacu bird poop beans, if you want to know the full story you can read here,

Black Ivory, Elephant Poop Coffee

This coffee which is similar to that of the Jacu and Kopi Luwak in terms of production method. It as well comes from Thailand (why are they into poop so much?). Elephants are fed Thai Arabica beans which get passed through their long trunks and then out the other side. Although, unlike the other two poop beans, there is a lot more to search through to find them. Because of its rareness, this is as well is expensive as shit. So if you have the coin, give it a try and tell us how it is, because we sure can’t afford it.

I am sure there are many crazy methods people are doing to process coffee, consider these your jumping off point. Go out and seek these ‘delicacy’ coffees and keep going down that rabbit hole, if you can stomach it. If you can’t stomach it, try it anyway and maybe you’ll stumble on your own digested roast. You can charge 250 dollars a pound!